My Part of the Conversation

I sit here wondering why I thought I shouldn’t go…

Earlier this week, the daughter of some members of our church was killed in a horrible car accident. She was 19. Her family attends our church, and she came to youth events from time to time before I was the youth minister. She had moved on a few months before I arrived.
I never met her, and I have never met her parents. For some reason, that seemed like a good reason not to go. After all, who likes funerals? I got up this morning and got dressed like it was any other day.

But, part of my family is hurting. Just because we have never met doesn’t mean I shouldn’t choose to support them. Just because we don’t know each other doesn’t mean I shouldn’t join as one person in the midst of a large body offering consolation, presence, and compassion. A funeral isn’t for the deceased- it’s for those who live on.

I wasn’t dressed for a funeral today, and I think it’s worse to show disrespect than not go. So, it was too late to change my mind before it was time to go. But, I was following through on a decision I had made several days ago.

And it was the wrong one. I know that now while I contemplate what it means to be part of a body, a family, and a kingdom united. I know that as a minister, part of my job is to offer hope and strength to those who need it, even if I don’t know them. I think it would me a lot to me, heaven forbid, if our situations were reversed.

And I’ll make sure I read this post if a similar situation occurs in the future.  The worst mistakes are those we fail to learn from.

I just read a great article by Walt Mueller, president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding. In it, he lists 13 ways to engage the postmodern teenage generation.  Consequently, for those of you with teenagers, www.cpyu.org is a great resource.

The first thing he mentions is that we need to approach youth ministry cross-culturally.  We are missionaries making contact with a world that has distinctive norms, values, language, beliefs, and traditions.  If we approach it any other way we miss them entirely.  I’ve often viewed youth ministry this way, but not seen anyone else out there write about it.

I continue to be amazed at how God has prepared me for this and future ministries.  Jim Woodruff did some lessons at our church this weekend, and he mentioned how the 5 years in New Zealand were the defining and pivotal part of his life and ministry.  I can’t help but say the same about my time in Italy.  The experiences God gave me to learn to teach Jesus to people who didn’t know Him personally were amazing.  I also learned, to a certain degree, to separate our American culture from Christ’s kingdom, and see it a little more clearly.

I also learned about being “in the world but not of the world”.  I was given information to help me “fit in” more while in Florence.  I quickly learned that I was never going to fit in.  I’m too fat, blond, broad, and tall to EVER pass as an Italian.   So, I had to learn how to be comfortable with who I am and how I’m different while learning to communicate the gospel in a foreign culture.

Likewise, youth culture is another world.  Youth ministers constantly have to bridge that cultural gap, relatiing to people who’s world you can never enter, that you could never pretend to enter.  Sometimes it’s hard, but I have to be comfortable in who I am, how old I am, the fact I have a son and a wife, that my schedule is not as flexible as theirs, that I can’t eat like they can.  I also have to remember speaking their language, wearing their clothes, and listening to their music will not ever make me part of their world.  But, an understanding of those things will give me an understanding of the teens themselves.  I need to have a healthy tension between the two.  It’s amazing how I learned a lot of that in Italy.

But, that’s all hindsight.  I wonder what I’ll say in 10 years about what God’s doing in my life right now?

Subtitile: My Restoration #4- A Book Review?

Yeah, a book review.

A few weeks ago, when I told you I hit the decision point, I made my way to the Christian bookstore. I hadn’t been reading very much at all, definately nothing comprehensive about youth ministry. I came across a book entitled “Contemplative Youth Ministry” by Mark Yaconelli, the son of the late youth ministry patriarch Mike Yaconelli.

I’m not sure what urged me to pick it up. It’s been heavily advertised by Youth Specialties, which is certain to turn me off. I’ve gone to their conferences the past two years, and while I enjoyed meeting up with old college buddies and fellow spiritual warriors, I was sickened by the blatant marketing and gluttonous consumerism attached to the event. Everything was a commercial to buy this or that- guaranteed products to make your ministry grow, come to life, or be more dynamic. Still, there were moments of genuine, authentic mentoring, teaching and advice that helped me stomach all the rest.

Despite all this, I really believe God pushed through any barriers I had to buy a copy of this book. And I was very glad I did.

The title itself led me to believe it was about implementing contemplative exercises for youth. While I think that is useful, I’ve already done that on a certain scale, and have been exposed to that kind of material. Besides, it’s been trendy right now, and I’m wary of trendy. But, it’s much more than adding some exercises. It’s about how we approach youth ministry- not through programs and methodologies, but following the leading of the Holy Spirit.
The book is very deep, and the premise is simple: Learn to allow God to be present with you. Then, be present in the same way with youth. Learn to listen meaningful to God and follow His leading. Then learn to listen meaningfully to youth as they share their lives and stories. With both God and others, we spend more time worrying about what we’re going to say and little about how we plan to listen.

The book is not a how-to, but gives a lot of practical examples and exericises. It has a great balance between being theoretical and pragmatic.

The Youth Ministry world has for too long been worrying itself over approach is best in what setting: Purpose-driven, family-based, pastoral, entertainment-driven, relational, or whatever else is out there. This book calls us away from all that, to be grounded in our personal walk with God, where our ministry is an outpouring of that relationship- where the Holy Spirit is model.
This book was very challenging, inspiring, frustrating, and refreshing all at the same time. A few chapters early on drag a little, but anyone in ministry will be truly blessed if they work through this book.

This book is a MUST READ for anyone wanting to grow in their ability to minister to youth. That’s not because it has all the answers, but because it will help you allow God to guide you to the answers.

Guess now I’m blatantly marketing something… go figure.

Peace.

A recent article by the Barna group tells about a drop spiritual engagement (attending church, reading the Bible, and praying) in people ages 20-29 after their teenage years. Research shows that around 81% of all American teenagers attend a particular church for 2 months or more during high school. 20% of all twenty-somethings are spiritually engaged. That means, we’re only retaining around 25%!

It’s not a new phenomenon that young people are leaving church after they graduate high school. What is new, is that they are not coming back. It was once thought to be a life-phase, where young adults tested their boundaries, and eventually came back to the church when they began having children. However, that tie is not as strong any more. Only 1 in 3 twenty-somethings who are parents take their kids to church, compared to 2/5 of thiry-somethings and 1/2 of parents in their 40’s.

The reasons for the drop could be many. But, the bottom line is, they are not developing deep spiritual conviction that carries them into adulthood. While keeping 25% is still a victory, losing 3 out of 4 teens is a horrible disaster. As a youth minister, the entire solution doesn’t fall on me, but I better pay attention and search for my part. I don’t like to buy into the latest “catastrophe”, but this is an issue most churches have not talked about much, and done little about.

We need to work at understanding why it is happening. Are parents of that generation (and likely successive generations) failing to pass on spiritual convictions? Are youth ministries giving too much hype, emotion, fluff, and information that they fail to foster discipleship and spiritual transformation? Are churches failing to meet the needs of young adults, forcing them to seek help elsewhere? Has Satan just defeated us with this generation so badly we can’t get them back?

I don’t like the last one, but these are all possibilities. At the very least, I believe youth ministries have to be less event-based and more people-based. It doesn’t mean youth ministries won’t have events and programs, just that the real ministry will be expected to take place at other times. Teens need people to walk with them. They can get seminars, pep talks, and pizza anywhere.

Anyway, what do you think? Why has this problem evolved? Where is God leading us to counter it?

So you were thinking “Hey, Blaine’s going to keep updating this thing. Maybe I’ll check it periodically.”

Then, I totally blew your trust.

Well, don’t worry. I getting past a truly intense time of year at the computer.

No, I’m not talking about youth ministry stuff. Sure, I spend a lot of my time at work planning for the new year. But, my free time on the computer is spent trying to get ready for…

Fantasy football!!!

I started playing fantasy sports with my buddies from college while we were still at Harding. We had such a good time talking about the exploits of our players, making trades during lunch, and laughing about the dumb moves someone made. We’ve kept doing it over the years, and this will be my 8th year. It’s hard to believe, I know.

Since we all graduated, we’ve continued to play, meeting each year in a virtual draft room to pick next year’s team. We keep up with each other through messages and articles we put on the message board (which are more like taunts than sharing our lives, but we’re guys and that’s what we do).

It’s a good thing I have fun playing, because this year my team is horrible. We are in our 3rd year of a keeper league, where every team keeps 3 players year-to-year, then we draft what’s left. My keepers were (and I promise these were the best I had) Eli Manning, Jake Delhomme, and Stephen Jackson. Two QB’s is a bad way to start a draft. Anyway, my first round pick was Domanick Davis. We know how THAT went… Then I got Donte Stallworth, Tatum Bell, Ahman Green, and well, it goes downhill from there. Maybe I’ll pick up a few young guys I can keep for next year. My first picks the past 2 years were Priest Holmes and Michael Clayton. Bad times.
I’m in a league with guys from church, where I have a little better team. It’s not as fun as a keeper league, but it’s cool talking about our teams when we meet up at church.

Anyway, that’s where I’ve been. Football season officially starts today, and I’m ready to watch all my top players either flop or get injured. Either way, it’s sure to be interesting!